When you are younger, in college, in your 20s, you fight for your ideals. You argue logically to defend your decisions. You get flustered that no one listens to you. AND NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO YOU. And your arguments get more fervent. Then you go home and vent to you mom, who is the only one, who by this time, has accepted that trying to convince you otherwise is futile. And nobody listens to her either. You are pronounced guilty of being a burden to your parents, whether they worry or not; and they are blamed of not brainwashing you enough.
No matter how logical your arguments may seem or how many facts you use to support it, the same stupid issues of how you choose to live your life will always be brought up by someone. Not just one someone - Everyone who thinks they are looking out for you will bring it up.
Slowly, as you near 30, it will peter out, but there will still be those one or two people who will insist on advising you, though you may have told them in no uncertain terms, that you are not interested in listening to them. That's when you adopt the "Just smile and wave, boys" attitude. You smile and nod and mumble something noncommittal until they think you agree with them and go away.
I recently was told, for the millionth time, by someone I know (who was earnestly being well meaning), that she wanted me "married and with children" soon. Then you hear the stories. "Give up these romantic ideas about marrying for love. I wasn't in love with my husband when we got married. I didn't even particularly like him. Even now I sometimes wish I wasn't married to him. But my sister, who was in love with a boy since she was in 11th std ( 11th grade), said she wouldn't marry unless I did. So I married the first guy that was introduced to me, as both our families didn't have any objections. Can you imagine how much I should have been worried about change and adjustment? I had a PhD and the Govt was willing to fund a documentary based on my research. I left all that, got married and moved to a new country!"
And all I'm thinking is, "So, basically, your sister is a bitch who forced you to spend the rest of your life with some random dude so that she could happily marry the man she loved? And you think she cared for your happiness like you "care" for mine? Seriously?!"
What these people don't realise is that when they were my age they made their own decisions, about their own lives. Sure, they may regret some of it now, but when they made these decisions, they believed they were mature enough to do so. Why do they not believe the same of me? Why should someone else's idea of "settled" bind me? Have I given any reason for anyone to believe that I am immature, don't know what I'm doing or cannot take care of myself?
It is impossible to get this category of people off your back if you try to fight them. They believe they are your well-wishers and will shove their opinions down your throat. Nothing you say will be acceptable to them and given half a chance, they will try to run your life. "I've ordered food for you. Eat!" "Do you really think you want to take that job? I mean, do you think you can do it?" (Why the **** would I apply to that job, in the first place, if thought I couldn't do it)? "I know this boy in London (or Singapore) who you can marry instead of working."
By this point, all you want to do is get away as quickly as you possibly can. Your best escape is to "just smile and wave", while you make your own plans.
2 comments:
Haha. The work thing as well. "They offered you a job?". No, I took the damned thing, wtf do YOU think..
Or do what I do and shout them down and then they'll STFU. It works see.
I'm a girl. They don't care if I work as long as they can pimp me out.
I actually got a "Oh you are looking for a job? I know someone in Singapore." Later - Me: "What happened to that job in Singapore you were talking about?" "I know this guy you can marry, then go there and look for a job."
!!?!
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